Domestic Violence Awareness Month

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month (as well as Breast Cancer and Disabilities Awareness Month), so I have decided to dedicate a post to sharing relevant statistics and information related to domestic violence and sexual assault because this is a cause very close to my heart given my position in the Children's Program at Sitkans Against Family Violence and has a huge impact on the lives of millions across the United States.

Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive behavior where one person chooses to use violence or the threat of violence to have power or control over another in an intimate or family relationship. It manifests itself in a variety of ways, including physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, stalking, and child abuse. Physical abuse generally is seen in direct acts of physical violence, in physical actions that put another at risk (throwing something or shooting a gun toward them), or in threats of physical violence like pointing a gun or other weapon at another person or telling them that you are going to kill them.) Emotional abuse plays a significant role in domestic violence because it can and often does emotionally and mentally destroys another person through insults, ridicule, demeaning language and humiliation. It also includes varying levels of manipulation, controlling or limiting access to finances, friends and family, or threatening to hurt a child or pets. This pattern of abuse is what defines domestic violence, not a singular act of physical violence. The acts of violence coupled with emotional abuse keep family members or partners living in fear.

I also wanted to briefly address a very common question/belief/myth about domestic violence: If there is abuse/violence why don't women leave? There are a variety of reasons as to why a women would stay with a batterer. Sometimes she has been isolated to the point that she has nowhere to go and no one to turn to. There is always the fear of increased violence (the separation period is often the most dangerous and lethal time of a relationship involving domestic violence.) She can also be afraid of being unable to financially support, feed, house and clothe her children if she leaves. She could be afraid that no one will believe her, of what the courts, police and Office of Children Services will do to her, or of what the kids and society would think of her. She also probably loves her batterer. I know that this seems counterintuitive but she loves the man that he was before he starting being physically violent and she is hoping that the violence will stop and he will again be that man. As you can see, there are a seemingly infinite number of reasons that someone will stay with a batterer.

The following are a number of facts related to domestic violence and violence against women in the United States. According to the Center for Disease Control, roughly 1.3 million women each year are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year in the United States and nearly one in four women in the United States reports experiencing violence by a current or former spouse or boyfriend at some point in her life. In 2005, 1,181 women were murdered by an intimate partner.

Domestic violence also has a huge impact on the lives of child victims and witnesses of violence in the home. An estimated 15.5 million children in the United States live in families in which partner violence occurred at least once in the past year, and seven million children live in families in which severe partner violence occurred. According to the National Network to End Domestic Violence, in a single day in 2008, 16,458 children were living in a domestic violence shelter or transitional housing facility. Another 6,430 children sought services at a non-residential program. The impact on children continues to be felt for years after as they are at an increased risk of depression, experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and a host of other effects that include social isolation, physical effects such as bed wetting, stomachaches, headaches, trouble sleeping, etc. Children who have been victims of or witnessed violence are also at high risk for substance abuse and engaging in unhealthy relationships either as perpetrator or victim.

In the state of Alaska (with a population of roughly 650,000) , the prevalence of domestic violence and sexual assault are among the highest in the U.S. According to the Alaska Network on Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault, in 2005 there were over 6,000 reported cases of domestic violence in Alaska and 524 forcible rapes reported. These numbers do not reflect the actual instances of domestic violence and rape in Alaska because many victims do not report. A National Crime Survey showed that almost half (48%) of all incidents of domestic violence against women were never reported to the police. The murder rate for women in Alaska is disturbing: for non-native Alaskan women it is 1.5 times the national average and for native Alaskan women it is 4.5 times the national average. In Alaska, more than half of these murders are domestic violence related.

During the month of October I challenge you to learn something more about DV and its impact on our friends, our families, children and our communities.
The following are lyrics to a song called "The Wolf" by Catie Curtis that a local musician played at our Domestic Violence Awareness Month kickoff event:

When my daddy lived here, I never worried
When my daddy lived here, he read me stories
And I never was afraid when the endings were scary
'Cause my daddy would say, "I will keep you safe when the wolf comes to the house.

Now my mother has a boyfriend,
She let him move in
She let him tell her that she's just a fool
And I've heard them fighting, I heard him knock her down
I try to read at night, but I don't like it now

'Cause when the wolf lives in your house
You can't get him out
When the wolf lives in your house
You can't get him out

My mother tells me we are a family
But I don't want to be, I have a plan
Yes I'm waiting for the day when I am stronger
And I will step in the way, I'll make him sorry

When the wolf lives in your house
You can't get him out
When the wolf lives in your house
You can't get him out

Online resources:
Alaska Network on Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault: http://www.andvsa.org/
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: http://www.ncadv.org/
National Domestic Violence Hotline: http://www.ndvh.org/

Bye bye tourists, hello fall in Sitka.

Last Tuesday marked the arrival of the season's final cruise ship meaning that a significant number of stores and businesses will now be closing until tourist season starts up again in the spring. The closed stores are definitely noticeable but the lack of foot traffic through town has been the biggest adjustment for me in my daily routine. I can now walk from the house to work and not see anyone along the way. This is something that is rough because the tourist wear (lots of college sweatshirts and jackets) and slow moving pace through town provided a lot of enjoyment for me but it also means that Sitka will finally be able to be itself. I am really excited about this because now everyone in town is locals and there are lots of fun activities and events throughout the fall and winter such as Alaska Day, Whale Fest and the monthly grind, which is a community wide talent show (from what I've heard.)

Since Jamie left, we have gotten a lot of rain here which means that my rain pants and xtra tufs have become staples in my daily wardrobe. Over the past few days though we have had some really great weather. On Friday it was bright, clear and very sunny. I worked a half day because I had put in a long day for SAFV's Domestic Violence Awareness Month kickoff on Thursday and was able to go for a hike with my housemate, Evie, on Gavan Hill. The hike up the hill to the ridge line itself is pretty steep and not exactly the most scenic but the view from the ridge line was absolutely incredible. We could see dozens of islands that lay further out in Sitka Sound towards the Gulf of Alaska, the snow covered mountain peaks surrounding and beyond Sitka and the town itself. While the hike was tough and definitely left me with a sore knee it was well worth it. I'm hoping for at least one semi clear day each week because I'm not sure there is a more beautiful place to be when it's clear.

This week also signalled the start of SAFV's safety presentations and lunch groups in the elementary schools. Meg and I presented on basic safety rules, big problems (ones that are dangerous, scary or against the law), safe adults and safe/unsafe touch to 6 first grade classes at Baranof Elementary this week. This week we will present the second half of the information to the first graders and begin our presentations to the kindergarten classes. We will start our lunch support groups at Baranof in a couple weeks which should be a lot of fun. Our lunch groups at Keet Gooshi Heen Elementary started last week and we have groups of second, third and fifth graders. We basically meet with them, eat lunch, go through each person's highs and lows (rose and thorn), talk about what we are excited about and if there's time, we will do a small little art activity. The groups include students who are currently living in shelter, may have lived in the shelter at some point or are chosen by the school counselor as someone who could benefit from the added support (whether there is domestic violence in the home or not.) These groups are short but after one week I could definitely see that the participating children both enjoyed themselves and seemed to benefit from the extra support of both peers and adults. This week will be a big one because Meg is going to a conference in Anchorage and I will be running lunch groups and giving safety presentations on my own. I'm looking forward to it and am excited to be in the schools interacting with the children.

On a community level, this week has been really good. We have been really supportive of each other's work events, attending kickoff events for Disability Awareness and DV Awareness Months as well as getting together with Bridget, our support person, for a delicious dinner and a good conversation about gender and its impact on our lives and our community dynamic. On the whole, we feel that our community is one where gender is a non issue for us with chores, leadership, and the activities that we do when we are hanging out with the exception being that Greg and I enjoy taking in some football on the weekends and the girls really enjoy knitting/crocheting. This week has also brought me a lot closer to Evie and Greg because they have been very supportive of me and I have found them extremely easy to open up to and talk things through. One of the funnest parts in community though this week happened on Wednesday when we tried our first energy free day. We had a pretty good first showing and I thoroughly enjoyed ending my night by having Evie read us The Indian in the Cupboard in candlelight.